Choosing to stay in a relationship.. over and over again

In no way am I an experienced blogger, even though I have written in this blog since 2010, when I was living abroad in Melbourne and wanted to capture our family’s experiences. I have about 40 followers or so. Nobody typically likes or comments on my posts apart from my best friend or spammers. However, I noticed recently that I sometimes get anonymous readers who must have accidentally stumbled on my blog, and end up reading 5 to 10 posts in a day.

In many ways, I am perhaps writing for these type of readers. I myself have been reading blogs for years, often stumbling into favourite ones accidentally when I have an emotional moment and googled up my feelings or issues of the moment (and there have been many).

If you are one of those anonymous readers, I would like to share one pearl of wisdom I have learnt that I need to practise by myself continuously and regularly (sometimes on a daily basis). If you can guess, it’s about love. Let’s face it, usually most of our problems in life tend to be relationship-driven. Love is central to our lives and indeed makes the world go round.

Plenty of books, articles and blogs talk about love. I see articles like how we ruin our lives by choosing the wrong partner who doesn’t excite or inspire us, yet some say we reject too early those that don’t give us the perfect fit.

One thing I have learnt and continue to need to reaffirm often: Faith keeps you together. You both need to have faith that you are meant to be together and that God matched you up for a reason. There was a reason why, out of all your guy friends, he was the one who suddenly called or appeared during that lunch / movie / event. There’s a reason why everybody else didn’t seem to work out (even though others brought out more of that so-called elusive thing, passion), but this one did. There’s a reason why everything seemed to line up towards your wedding and married life.

There must be a reason why God put you two together.

And by God, you must have faith that He put you together for the best. Even though in the course of the marriage, you both discover each other’s faults and flaws to a scarily high nth degree (which trust me, is totally inevitable). Even though sometimes you can’t stand to look at each other or be in each other’s company. Those moments – just as the beautiful loving moments you had when you first got together such as the first date, the first ‘confession’ or the first time you touch – will also pass. I don’t mean to be morbid, but there is truly nothing in life that will stay permanent apart from what God has intended for us: Death and the afterlife.

Mini-renewal of your intentions to each other need to be done regularly. Not like on a real event, but small seeds of intentions planted throughout the days, weeks, months and years. Smiles when you see each other, hugs when you least expect to give or receive, efforts to carry out tasks to satisfy each other and mini-breaks (lots and lots of them!).

(Obviously, there’s a caveat here: if he’s any of these non-negotiable things – a compulsive cheater/liar, an addict (pick your sins – gambling/debt/sex/alcohol/drugs) or a wife or kid-beater – you walk away. Y’hear me? Walk away). Apart from that, if he is none of those things above, he is a decent man and worth staying for. Treat him better (like you treat your best girl friends or colleagues) and hopefully he will return the favour to you.

And so, to my dear anonymous readers, if there’s one message you can take away from my blog, is this: If you’ve been matched or found your life partner, hold on to them and have faith that God intended for the two of you to be together for a reason. ESPECIALLY during the times when you struggle to remember that reason. That, my friends, is the definition of FAITH.

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