Off days and on days

A friend once told me something her father told her about happiness. “Most people think happiness means being in a joyful state of ‘ha-ha-ha’ all the time,” he said. “But it’s not. Some days you feel very happy, some days you feel sad, but most of the days you just go about your daily life. You feel normal, mundane even.”

I have to say I agree – you see, I’m on my off day today. We all have them.

It has occurred to me that I am easily happiest when I feel that I’m creating something new or contributing to something important. However I also get easily disenchanted or struggle to remain motivated due to my lack of confidence in my own abilities.

For example, I love to sing and do a cover, but it remains just at karaoke or recordings on my phone. I love to write, but lack confidence in bringing it anywhere else above writing for a work, my blog or at MamaAtWork which I contribute articles to. I love baking (not so much cooking) but I have stopped doing so when my cakes don’t turn out how I want them to. I would love to start my own business but remain overwhelmed with all the uncertainties and risks ahead, so I remain in my comfort zone.

It is hard to start something new, but it’s certainly hard to remain motivated at something in life when you don’t feel you’re very good at it or you don’t really see the benefits of continuing to get better.

Recently, I felt pure joy when I first found out I was finally pregnant after 5 years of trying – only to feel hapless sorrow at an early miscarriage a few weeks later. Yes it’s sad, but the weekend it happened multiple deaths happened in my city and splashed all across the headlines. It was like God was trying to say “Have a little perspective.” So I keep telling myself: Be grateful for everything I DO have. For Umar.

So yes, today is my off day, and it’s OK. We all have them. Hope your weekend is a little better than mine.

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Categories: Musings, TTC

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