Wisdom from an older friend

I had lunch with an older friend today. I haven’t had an older friend before (by “older” i mean more than 5 years older than me) but I consider this lady now a friend, after having worked with her and bonding in and out of the office. She had so many spouts of wisdom that I literally had to make mental notes in my head and put them down on my smartphone app as I walked away in order to not forget it. (It was almost like having lunch with Oprah!)

Life, she says, is all about seeing the bigger picture. Everything in life involves keeping the end in mind rather than focusing on the mundane details of day-to-day dispositions. It’s ok if you have the small setbacks in daily battles provided you remind yourself to win the bigger war. This reminds me of my earlier post on the 80-20 rule.

Bad things happen in order for you to grow to be the person you were meant to be. Her theory is that life happens to us in a series of chapters. In every chapter, there is a hard lesson for you that is intended to make you rise to the occasion and grow spiritually and mentally. For as long as you fail to spot the message and lesson that is meant for you to have learnt, you will stay stuck at that level and the pain will drag on. Embrace the pain, learn the lesson, grow as a person and move on to your next chapter.

Motherhood is a journey. Trying to conceive, meanwhile, is a marathon, not a sprint. Her circle of friends consisted of many ladies who, on average, have been struggling to conceive for more than 4 years. A friend had 4 years of IUI before conceiving, while another had 6 IVF cycles before conceiving, and yet another have had 7 IVF cycles without succeeding at all. She tells me: If you have been trying to conceive for only a couple of years, you are in for a long journey.

Men are measured by the measurable indicators in life; women, not so much. There are generally two classes of men in the world – those who made it and those who don’t. When your husband walks into a room full of men, he is immediately aware of how he sizes up to them in terms of all the monetary male ego measuring terms – wealth, position, clothes,  accessories, car and so on. How he values himself privately apart from the rest of them, however, is more important, and that is something that we wives can still influence (I need to put this on a poster in my house).

There is so much to be thankful for. In her words: “I am alive, fully formed, healthy, have a fantastic family, have a stable job, and I live in a beautiful country where I don’t have to worry that a bomb is going to be dropped on my house every night or whether a group of men is going to enter into my house, rape me and take the men away into military service.” Husband, baby, money or all other ambitions in life or not, all these alone is more than enough to be thankful for.

I should have lunch with her more often.

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Categories: Friendship, Marriage, Motherhood, TTC

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