Second, third, fourth, fifth chances

Okay, I promise: this is the last time I’m going to post about my efforts in TTC (trying to conceive) my baby no.2. I realized I’m actually sick of hearing myself think and talk about this issue, so, I’ve decided to get over myself, stop playing the victim, and make a decision to end the suffering and just focus on being grateful and happy with what I have been blessed with in my life. Two things have inspired me this week: the book ‘This is not the story you think it is‘ by Laura Munson (you can read an excerpt of the book in this NYT article) and The Voice 2’s Jamar Rogers’s explosive performance.

How are the two even related? Well, let me explain. Laura’s book was a memoir detailing the four months that happened in one summer when her husband of 20 years said, “I don’t love you and I’m not sure if i ever did”. (I can relate to this because i’ve heard those words before myself). Instead of yelling, screaming, crying and fighting with him, she calmly said “I don’t buy it. This is not about me.” You see, she believed (and she was proven correct) that her husband was temporarily in a mid-life crisis, lacking belief and self-confidence even in himself. If he had such little love for himself, she reasoned, this was not the time when he could love her. She held out, and in the meantime, she committed to end her suffering by simply stopping to want things her way. She cooked, took her kids for days out, gardened, rode horses, set the dinner table like the Queen was coming. In the end her husband started coming back home, mowed the lawn, had dinners at the table and began to believe in himself (and his family) again.

The book is extremely inspiring and is teaching me the value and strength of a woman who simply made a decision to be happy. And being happy doesn’t mean ha-ha-ha 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year. I’m still trying to figure out what it truly means myself, but to me, since life is a roller coaster and sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down, being happy is when the net-net feeling you have on most days is happy. And content. And grateful.

What of Jamar Rogers? Well, I remember following him and his best friend Danny Gokey’s audition times during American Idol a few years ago, and how Danny made it into the final dozen but he didn’t. I remember being pissed off at the judges and moaning with my sisters on how he was wrongly sent home. All these years I’ve  never heard of him making it big anywhere else, so I assumed he had written off his performing aspirations and settled down somewhere with an alternative career. Until, that is, I saw him auditioning again for The Voice 2 – when only one judge turned around his chair to select him – which didn’t break down his spirits since it was his idol CeeLo. And last week, his performance in the next round was so good and the whole audience was screaming so loud, the judges couldn’t even start speaking over the noise.

Why is he such an inspiration? Because even though he failed several times and even hit rock bottom, he had the courage to come back trying, turning his pain into determination and after sharpening his craft. Although his bestie Danny Gokey made it to no.3 in Idol whereas he failed, fast forward a few years and now Danny is the one who’s a nobody (did he even have a single out?) and Jamar is the one who is being touted to win The Voice 2. Basically, the lesson i’m taking away is this: sometimes you know when you don’t make it, and people tell you there could be even something greater in the future? Jamar must have heard it, and although he may not have believed it straight away, one day he had the strength to start doing so. As we Malays say, rezeki (or blessings) may not come now but later – and in an even bigger form than you ever dreamed of.

2 replies »

  1. Hey girl.. I’ve been meaning to comment on this post when I first read it but got glitch lah when trying to do so via phone. Anyway, just wanna let u know that I’m never tired of listening to your TTC efforts. So please DO share your worries, anxieties, frustrations, expectations etc with me okeh? That’s part & parcel of a BFF, not just the fun stuffs.
    Oh btw, that Laura Munson story is so devastating! I dunno if I could ever react they way she did – all calm, mature & wise.

    • Thanks girl. But this decision is more because I’m so tired of thinking and talking over this by myself, so I’m kinda letting myself ‘free’ if you know what i mean. Nevertheless i know I’ve got you any time I feel like talking! I’ve also been introduced to this great TTC group on FB. Ramai lagi yg tak ada baby 😦

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