Here am I again, talking about the great big sin, envy. Why? Because today is THE wedding of my lifetime – Wills & Kate – that has all girls above the age of 12 sighing and green with the 4-letter-word, wishing that they could have that dreamy life.
I’ve been talking about this with a close friend, D, for a while. She’s single and looking (while being a looker herself) in her late twenties so she obviously has her own issues to worry about, namely not finding someone in time before the big 3-0. While I try my best to give her good advice from an older (and hopefully wiser) perspective, I can’t pretend I don’t know what she’s talking about.
If you’re single, you want to meet the right guy and settle down – not too early to sabotage your career and give up other dreams (like trekking Macchu Picchu), but also not too late (cause obviously I’m feeling the pinch of that now while TTC).
If you’re married, you want to have that first baby quickly, unless you married really young and can afford to take those pills and be a DINK (double income no kids) for the first few relatively blissful years. Or so they say – my first few years were no walk in the park. (Like, you’re thrown into the same room, every night, ok! Of course it would be a shock!)
If you’re married with a kid, like me, you want to have baby no.2 at the right time as well. Not too early that it would make your no.1 jealous and insecure, but not too late that they don’t have a friend to play with (like my poor son now who has to make do with his endless Thomases and Chunggingtons that we throw at him). And so it goes on.
Along the way, you are bound to meet people (or worse, if they’re your friends!) who seem to have everything all perfectly falling into place for them. Beautiful, smart, rich, successful, blissfully married with gorgeous kids (mix of boys and girls) who in turn will doubtlessly grow up to be beautiful, smart, rich, yadda yadda yadda.
But as I told D, we’re humans and will always feel jealous of others we perceive to have what we don’t have. But where does it end? So Kate Middleton has her Prince Charming and Palace and fairytale wedding and hopefully Happy Ever After. But why shouldn’t she? It’s her fate, it’s what God has intended to give her. And God knows best!
And surely, God will know best about us as well. When we have a dream, a longing, we are allowed to feel the natural feelings that God has created for us. But we should turn it into determination and actions to try and attain that dream. After trying, you pray, ask, plead, for God’s will and for Him to help us.
“After that?” D asked. “What if He doesn’t give us what we want?”
I turned silent, thinking of my son growing up as an only child. As long as he’s healthy and panjang umur and happy, that’s the best thing I want for him. And I guess I could turn a Brangelina and adopt, although of course that takes courage I don’t know I have. Or I could just wait for Umar to grow up and bring back my future menantu to give me that elusive dream daughter. I don’t know.
“We tawakkal (leave our fate in the hands of God),” I said finally. “And accept our fate (pasrah).”
And God knows best. But for today, I’m enjoying the wedding!