I’m out of ideas today, so I’ll use the challenge topic first.
Day 02: Something you regret not having done last year.
I definitely regret not having a baby last year. Although it wasn’t my choice (it was DH’s obviously) perhaps there was something i could have done to convince him on all the benefits to that decision. I now accept (a concept called redha in Islam – or is it Malay culture?) what happened, instead of being angry about it or believing that it is something I wanted (even deserved) at the time. Maybe i even threw up a tantrum, akin to a child stamping her foot demanding I want I want I want. Perhaps there were reasons why – DH certainly had some good points – he was just starting out in his MBA program, I was beginning work in a new role at a new office, financials were not stable yet. God has plans for all of us, even though it doesn’t look good from some angles sometimes.
Also, another thing my mom taught me and my sisters was that there are two sides to communication. You have to communicate it well to the other party before they could understand and communicate back. So if there was a wrong decision done, it could also be due to my own weakness in communicating. Sometimes i tend to talk more and listen less, and other times I may not have been listening at all (particularly during said times of foot-stamping).
Anyhow, I regret that I was unable to provide Umar with a sibling in 2010 as it would definitely have helped his development and made him happier (to have a friend at home). However, I am praying and hoping very much that this could happen in 2011. I am less emotional and demanding about this (after all, blessings and gifts from God are not guaranteed to be mine, or not something I ‘deserve’) and more pragmatic. I see now, what are the things I could do? What kind of arrangements, or support at home, does my family need? What are the tools? I will be applying this to other NY resolutions too, as stated in this earlier post. Much easier to get things done with good planning, usaha, commitment and prayers, me thinks. Insya Allah.