On.. doing this for the rest of my life

Sometimes it’s so hard to choose a topic to write about in this blog. Since I chose to write about my daily life in this blog (as opposed to say, bird-hunting – who does that anyway?) there are a quadrillion issues that impact my activities every day.

Take for instance, today, which is my second day back at work after nearly 20 days’ holiday.  No one really talks about post-holiday depression, but this may be what I am feeling right now. An empty office, empty trains, automatically generated ‘I-am-at-the-office, suckerrrr’ messages, all together combined make for a pretty demotivating work environment, which makes it easier to ignore those piling backlog of work.

I get influenced with headlines both local and international, ranging today from ‘Malaysia gets public holiday after laser-fested football win with Indonesia’ back home (apparently they started it first), ‘Don’t date Arab men!’ in Israel (as if Jewish men are the world’s hottest sought-after type), ‘Elton John spends $70k on son’s nursery’ (the poor boy) and ‘Israeli settlers aim to repel Palestine’ (sigh).

At the same time, I have issues to resolve on my own, like how I can’t shake off the feeling that I am still in the wrong field not at my career best – or rather, I have not yet found my best career. Seeing that I have invested 4 years not having a life slouching over CFA books to prove my worth in the investment & finance field (and to show to myself – and others – what I’m capable of) and cut my teeth in the industry due to my 8-year bonded employment, it seems careless to simply leave the industry altogether. However I keep realising that I’m not a numbers person, am more right-brain than left, am tired of spending 99% of work time facing with a lifeless machine, and I know deep down that I crave work that is more fulfilling and connecting with the world. But how? Where??

Right now I have tons on my ‘to-do’, led by economic evaluation of a gas block in Malaysia/Thailand, commercial options paper on a gas exploration block in Indonesia, due diligence summary review of a gas block in Middle East and valuation of an oil block in Africa. Evaluations, reviews, valuations, modellings, calculations, reading, and more reading… these all form the basic skills I keep needing to execute over my career. But can I do this for the rest of my life? Highly likely not than so.

3 replies »

  1. $70k on a nursery?? what, do they play Mozart live to the baby?

    but back to you.. i know you’ve been having these doubts about your career path for a while now. i think even before you moved to oz. i guess it all boils down to what makes u happy. obviously, there’s a trade-off. not everyone’s lucky to love what they’re doing and get good money along with it. and if you think it’s a waste of your talent to leave your job, ‘cos as you said, you invested a lot in the CFA exam and spent quite a long time in the industry, then maybe you should just hang on a bit and recoup your investment in the next five years tops. but i guess you know that already ‘cos that’s what you’re doing now in oz 🙂

    btw, i’m still waiting for the time when you open your book cafe. let it be when we’re 40 or 45. we will always be young at heart!

    • Yep girl i think this is going to be a common theme for me. Selagi I don’t wake up jumping out of bed, and can talk about my work with a smile and with pride I will continue to be in searching mode. But i know this is not just me – I’ve read ‘What Should I do with My Life’ by Po Bronson, one of my favourite books that touched me because I could identify with it.

      Yeah man, book cafe – that was one of my ideas kan? 40 pun muda lagi! Hopefully can have enough money by then.

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