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Archive for the ‘career’ Category

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Working moms vs. SAHM

In career, culture, family, happiness on March 14, 2012 at 7:58 am

One of the biggest decisions a mother has to face since women were allowed to vote and work: whether to be a working mother or stay-at-home mother. There are many factors surrounding this decision and most of them are as a result of your family situation. If you’re lucky (or unlucky, depending on who you talk to) you may have had the good fortune to grow up in a well-to-do family (or married into one) and therefore have the opportunity to stay at home and be a full-time wife and mom. On the other end of the scale are those from poor backgrounds (what they call these days the have-nots), who may be uneducated and unable to work, or have 7 kids and can’t afford childcare. Most of us fall in the middle of this scale and end up continuing to work after having children because of financial commitments or our preference to have a career outside the home.

I’ve noticed an increasing trend of wives and mothers opting out of the workforce and staying at home fully to manage the household. This, in my opinion, is a great development. No matter how many times I think about it, or angles I look at it from, I don’t waver from my belief that being a SAHM is actually the hardest job in the world, and hence why it is such a difficult thing to do for most women, including me. News headlines these days are full of depressing news about abusive maids/teachers, kidnapped and murdered children (al-Fatihah to them) and kids who grow up lacking attention from busy career-driven parents. Therefore, in my opinion, the more moms who are able to stay at home and raise their children, the better it will be for the world.

However, many mothers are not able to make that decision. First and foremost is the financial factor – most mothers need to work to help support family expenses, and it is estimated that the costs of raising a child is up to RM500k. On the other hand, most Malays have grown up with the saying ‘anak itu rezeki’ (children are blessings) and believe that the financial needs will somehow sort themselves out – primary and secondary education will somehow remain free but will be sufficient, tertiary education can be local (or funded by scholarships), jobs will be abound and in the end the children will take care of them when they grow old. Although I agree that children will bring blessings (and spur you to work harder to provide for the family) it is a little dangerous to just ignore the financial requirements of raising each child, and parents do need to keep this in mind (particularly to those who are very subur and are thinking of having child no.5, for instance). The future is still largely uncertain – the quality of public education is argued to be declining, the costs of tertiary education is rising and the long-term trend will move scholarship selection to those who merit it rather than by race or quota. You do need to worry about it – it’s only the responsible thing to do as a parent.

Secondly, most working moms justify their decision to go back to work by saying that they, simply put, need to. We’ve all heard about mothers who, unfortunately unnoticed by the world in most cases, sink into depression and ‘lose’ themselves little by little as a result of staying at home full-time and constantly catering to the needs of someone else. This i notice is mostly prevalent in the West, where moms typically don’t have any domestic helpers and try to do all the 1001 things by themselves – cooking, washing, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, mopping, homework, schedules, finances, soccer or piano practice, what have you. They forget to put themselves first and as a result end up forgetting who they are and what makes them happy. A lot of working mothers say they are happier as they have an intelligent and creative outlet during the day, and at night they go home to their families and become a mother again. A win-win situation, apparently.

As a working mom, I too cite the two factors above for myself, and in my case, going back to work was not an option – I had an 8-year bond to serve after having my tertiary education sponsored by my employer. But I don’t pride myself in saying that this was a better decision – I just have to have faith that God made me where I am today for many reasons, and hopefully the right ones. But I do have an increasingly passionate opinion that circumstances need to improve for the working mother – for instance, lack of quality childcare, limited support from employers (nurseries at the office and part-time work already exist elsewhere in the world, CEOs and bosses – come on!), the daily suffering from commuting/traffic jams and the lack of funding for moms to run small businesses at home. The government and the private sector must realize the importance of the family institution and help to make the situation better for women so that they can make the right decision. After all, you know what they say about women actually being the heart of the family – it’s really true. Provide the right environment for moms, and they will provide for their families, and the world inches to be a better place, bit by bit.

To all the stay-at-home moms out there, I salute you and I hope one day I can find the courage and strength to be like you.

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Be careful what you ask for

In career, happiness, Melbourne on December 4, 2011 at 8:50 am

If you had nothing else to do on this glorious, sunny, shiny, happy Sunday morning, I would invite you to compare my posts in this last 1 year and divide them into two – Melbourne work life and KL work life (hey, why not.) You would see a few underlying differences, such as the reduction in frequency arising from the latter; as well as a lack of more wistful dreaming type of posts.

The simple explanation for this is simply that KL work life is much tougher on a person. Unless you’re working in the government (or a company with an almost-government culture) or in a laid-back family business like my family’s (which I have been the only one so far to abstain from joining) and you can literally live the 9-to-5 schedule, the rest of us in the private sector have to work longer hours, and harder – meaning there’s no time for petty gossip talks, trips to the bank, etc.

Ironically, this is actually something i’ve always wanted all along – to work in a fully professional corporate setting, and with a more ‘realistic’ workforce – i.e. multiple races, and even multi-national at that. So now in my new job (still new since I’ve only started 4 months ago) I completely and utterly got what I asked for. And i am very proud to be associated with the professionalism and hard-working culture of this organization. But as with everything, there are pros and cons.

Primarily, the only con is the loss of free time. There are days that I’m working so hard, I have no time to go down for a complete meal during lunch and have to settle with tapau-ing and eating at my desk. One day this last week, I was completely bogged down with work and meetings that I realized at the end of the day (at almost 10pm) that I had not eaten any meals that day after breakfast. I have been taking my dinner at 11.30pm this last 1 week, after driving home for even longer that is necessarily so at that hour  (damn KL jams).

Hence you will see the impact on my blogging. Whereas in Melbourne, I could blog every day, now I blog every 2 weeks, at best. Before I had wider, more ranging ideas and topics to talk about. Now I have to keep resorting to ‘reporting’ to you what happened in my day or something that I thought of, as I have less time to daydream and fantasize like before. I know, I know, this is a good problem, and in twitter world, a #firstworldproblem, and like I said before, I asked for this. So I’m actually OK with this at the moment, especially as I know I’m learning by the buckets. And that’s the most important thing to come out from work.


The all-time question: which type of parenting is best?

In book, career, culture, family, religion on September 5, 2011 at 9:10 am

I came across the ‘Tiger Mom’ Amy Chua in a previous WSJ article earlier this year when I was still working in Melbourne. It seems as if the article nearly caused a collective heart attack across most of the Western parenting world. As soon as I saw a copy in a bookstore, I grabbed it and read it cover to cover in a few hours (it’s an easy read).

In a nutshell, Amy explains to her readers how Chinese mothers bring up their children, the traditional strict Chinese way – and how this in turn makes them develop into high performers better than the loving, individualism-nurturing Western method.

I believe any mother with school-going children (including pre-school going children like mine) would be interested to debate on this topic. Is the Tiger Mom method the best at producing the best adults? For sure, it results in children with significant classical music abilities (I still don’t really understand why the Chinese emphasize classical music – surely other areas can also distill excellence?) and straight As without fail (Amy is careful, though, not to bring up her girls into the robotic student types who “kill themselves as soon as they get an A-“ – Umm, that’s very considerate, Amy).

On the other hand, we are indeed seeing the beginning of the decline of Western civilization. You only have to read handful of the recent tweets on Twitter to understand this. American teenagers of this generation seem to have an innate inability to spell (confusing ‘you’re’ and ‘your’, for example) and lack basic discipline (get this: a t-shirt at JC Penney that reads ‘I’m too pretty for homework’.. ??!!).

I ponder over my own childhood and upbringing, which I consider to be in line with the middle-class Malay two-earner families in urban cities of Malaysia. Roughly categorizing it would put it in between the Chinese and Western model. My parents constantly put high expectations on grades and an all-rounded performance (co-curriculum, social skills, etc) but were pretty laid-back about how we went about achieving them. Just like most people, my mother was undoubtedly the biggest influence, advising us from which clubs to join, how to dress and walk (she still corrects our posture to this day) to the type of degree to read at university.

Alhamdulillah, all of us turned out well, although far from perfect and after we have acquired more than a few bumps on the road. All of us are working, all married, some with kids and are held up as decent people (only we know how much of this is true :P ). However we definitely are not musical prodigies, lawyers/doctors (Amy seems to think only those types of professions would do for her family), and were not even straight-A types in school. Would we be counted as “the losers”, as she constantly warned her children not to be? And what about people who don’t fit the traditional success definition – hardworking, decent people who are firefighters, cops, fishermen or even normal executives? Are they losers, too? I think not.

I also detect some things missing from her way of life (as she depicted in her book). There was no mention of any spirituality – perhaps as she hinted, she was not much of a believer in God. She did not talk about any domestic help, other than hiring a nurse for her mother in law when she was dying of leukemia. Was she somehow a superwoman who managed to lecture, give talks, teach her students, fly home to pick up her kids to and fro music lessons, and yet magically produce a clean home, laundry and food on the table?

In my opinion, there are both rights and wrongs in both the Chinese and Western model. Amy dismissed the kids who killed themselves over grade ‘failures’ – yet we all know this happens constantly in China as well as overseas Chinese (as well as other races, but I’m betting it’s a lower probability). The western world has more hugs and love to offer their kids relatively, but do indeed produce distracted kids in an increasingly Snooki-fied world.

With my lack of experience and wisdom at this moment, I still believe that the Malay/Muslim upbringing is good and sound as it provides a spiritual base for kids to develop into good, God-fearing adults. Yet the challenge is also to harness the other points of Islam such as excellence, cleanliness and discipline. That much, we Muslims still have to work on.

Time and time again

In career, family, happiness, religion on August 18, 2011 at 7:05 am

10 years ago, I was a fresh graduate arriving in the big city starting my career while returning home to my family after spending 5 years abroad. I was only 22 waiting to turn 23, and a bit plump (a result of snacking on chocolate digestives in front of the telly, as the Brits call it). Although i was very young then, I had already learned my lessons and growing pains within those 5 years – i had broken hearts, gotten my heart broken, been cheated on, been away from family, learnt the perils of being on my own, lost sight of my spirituality and then gaining it back. And so i thought i was already very much grown up.

Life since then has been nothing but a blessing, albeit a steep learning curve, to me. During the last year before returning home, I had just broken up with another boyfriend (i had a LOT of boy troubles back then) and was praying constantly to God to help lead me the way. I remember sitting at the prayer mat, crying, talking with Him in my head (ala Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love) requesting for a good, kind man for a life partner. And Alhamdulillah, He granted me one. In a week from that day, my friend/college mate, now husband, contacted me (we were friends since 18) and asked for help in introducing him to my lecturer for his final term project. An introduction turned to lunch in the college common room, which turned to a movie, which turned to a bus ride around the city which turned to him saying to me “I don’t know where this is going to lead us, but i’m glad that we’re starting something”.

And that something turned out to be engagement 1 year later, marriage a year after that (when we both were still 24), a miscarriage (which broke our hearts), a baby boy (now our beloved son) and lots and lots more growing up to do. Together. Looking back, i wonder why they say the first year is a honeymoon year – i think we definitely spent ours adjusting to each other and ironing out issues. How can you not? You get 2 adults who’re used to their own opinions and ideas, different backgrounds/upbringing and you throw them together in the same room – even best friends can start arguing with each other, in my opinion. When they say the highest rate of divorce is for marriages below 5 years, i understand why. Marriage, as they say, isn’t a contract – but a constant negotiation.

Time and time again, what i’ve learnt is that all the basics of life, and more importantly, religion, matter. You must indeed learn to be nice to the other party first, before you can expect anyone to be nice to you. You must sort out any issues you have yourself, before you can sort out somebody else’s. You must FIND yourself first, before you can learn to share who you are with another person for life. And in order to find yourself, you have to look deep within your core and remember that God created you, and to Him you will return. Everything else is just details.

Another core principle i hold on to now is that we need to take action whenever we are troubled about something. Been having fights with your husband recently? Book a weekend getaway, where hopefully the romantic setting can lead you to start reconnecting with each other (trust me, getting there is already half the job done). Been worrying about baby issues, like me? I have decided, after a year of trying, to book an appointment with a fertility specialist. Bored with your job? I’ve discovered that moving to a new place can be refreshing and exciting – although tiny baby steps, such as taking breaks between hours in front of the pc (and listening to music on headphones while working) help me a great deal (the salary raise upon moving jobs can be a big motivation too). The point is, complaining is one thing – actually making some steps to overcome the problem is another.

And of course. You probably know this is coming. Time and time again, without fail, always turn to God for help and prayers. Because we human beings are really nothing without His blessing that He has created for us – the blue skies that aren’t yet falling, the clear waters running from streams, the mountains that are as yet standing firm, the atom that magically balances itself to keep matter together (i took a particle physics course in A Levels – something about spin, quarks, magnetic force etc etc). In other words, we’re really pretty insignificant – and to me, that big picture helps keep things in perspective.

So what will i be like 10 years from now? Hopefully with all new good things happening within the next decade. A lot more growing up and understanding myself, with more attention and energy to pour on Umar and future siblings, as well as being able to extend more help to others particularly within my own bigger family. Hopefully i’ll look like a young 40-something (take J-Lo/Jennifer Aniston, discounted by half – heck, 70% – and i’ll be happy). Amin.

 

Life’s little miracles

In baby, career, family, happiness, religion, unforgettable on August 3, 2011 at 9:16 pm

Remember when I wrote about my “Ah-ha” moment, when I knew God was listening to me? Well, I had another one of those moments again. But first, let me explain.

Lately I have been receiving a lot of blessings from God (Alhamdulillah). Although our plan to stay longer in Melbourne didn’t turn out as planned, and my job there ended, another job opened here in KL which provided me with a pretty attractive offer.

Although I have not yet been blessed with another baby, my son has continued to grow healthily and has happily settled in at his old school (albeit some off days where it seems as if he’s almost chanting “I don’t want to go to school”).

Although DH and I were pretty stressed out over the premature move back home, in the end we got 2 fantastic months off together, including 2 weeks’ holiday traveling around Australia with my family and a spa getaway to PD.

And in my first few days at the new office, I have been blessed with the sector focus that I asked for and with a great team, complete with one of the best bosses (I’ve only talked to him once but so far he’s great). So it follows that lately I’ve been wondering how long will it last and when will the first ‘break point’ come.

Today seemed a likely candidate. I was sleepy and tired although at work nothing bad happened. In the evening, I tried to take the commuter train to my in laws’ in Bangi, where my two boys had gone earlier for breaking fast. Unfortunately, the train never came and by the time it did, the tired crowd jostled and shoved so hard to get in, I thought I was in India. Needless to say I gave up, called DH and told him I was going back to my own house in PJ via LRT (if not I would have to eat at KL Sentral station, alone) and he agreed.

Exhausted and hungry, I arrived at LRT station in PJ to see a long queue for the taxi. As the Azan (call to prayer) broke out, I left the queue and went to the sole food stall to buy something I could nibble on to break my fast. On the way there I saw a group of 3 blind people walking together (even stepping into puddles) and, feeling the heat of taxis nearby, opened each cab door, hoping to catch a ride. Being blind, they did not know that each taxi was occupied and that the queue was situated at the end of the pavement. Each cab subsequently turned them down.

I couldn’t bear it, and as I realized that it was my duty to help them, I went over to the man who seemed to be leading the other two, tapped his shoulder and told him what was the situation. They agreed to let me show them the way and so I led them (steering clear of the puddles) to the queue. Very kindly, the people ahead gave way and let them take the next cab. I resumed my way to the food stall only to discover that all the food was sold out.

I rejoined the queue, still tired and with a rumbling stomach, but I realized that my thoughts were still with the blind people earlier. I realized how lucky I am and how I’ve been blessed (together with my family) with good senses and health. I remember how the only lady among them talked to me cheerfully about how they were going to go eat at a Tom Yam buffet, despite her blindness and the fact that she had earlier stepped into a puddle. My eyes watered as I marveled at their strength and courage.

Suddenly, a taxi drove up on the other side of the pavement, with the driver sticking his head out of the window and called, seemingly, to me. He asked where I was headed and upon hearing my answer, told me to get in, despite the fact that he had 2 other passengers. As I gratefully did so I heard him saying “u mau buka puasa mah” (I know you have to break fast). My eyes watered again as I realized that this is indeed another blessing Allah swt has given to me today. A reminder of what I have, and a hidden reward of further blessing if I do the right thing.

May Allah grant me the strength to always see his blessings and miracles (even if they seem far from me at the time), the courage to always do the right thing (even when I reach the scary ‘break point’) and the wisdom to keep having faith in Him, because He knows best.

Fasting month is here again

In career, religion on July 25, 2011 at 7:01 pm

Ah, fasting month is almost here. And the dead giveaway is that familiar, headache-impounding, calendar-counting, race/countdown to complete the Puasa Ganti (replacement fasts) in time before it starts. And always, always, I fail to plan properly and run out of weekdays (who wants to replace their fasts on weekends??) and state-of-purity days (i.e. not on a period) to finish.

Today I decided to fast, because although I know I’m running out of time, I know I’m perfectly capable of performing them this week as it’s my last week of unemployment. Yes, next Monday I start my new job at the infamous Twin Towers. I do have butterflies in my stomach (I always do, whenever I’m starting something new) but right now I don’t even wanna think about it. I want to enjoy my carefree hours. Like today.

With my new room already made-over (does anyone want to see pictures?) and most of the items on my to-do list dwindling down, I had nothing much to do today. Since I didn’t get up for sahur (due to sleeping past midnight due to the fantastic MTV WorldStage concert last night), I feel pretty weak today and disinterested in doing anything other than sleep, lie around, read old magazines and surf for a romantic spa getaway/work clothes (yes I need both).

In fact, since coming back from Australia, DH and I have been having a really good time, Alhamdulillah. The concert last night, karaoke ventures out with friends and family, paying for things with our Australian bank card (the A$ has a fantastic rate going on), waking up late everyday and sending our son/picking him up from kindergarten, driving around town looking for the best food that we’ve missed the most… Ah, it’s practically the end of an era.

I’m gonna try my best to plan out this week to maximise my ‘total consumer surplus’ as my MBA-ed up DH likes to quote it. If I can complete my to-do list (although just like any other working mom, I have a never-ending list), plan a getaway with DH, shop for new work clothes (i’m in a higher position and may need to wear more work suits), continue my tawaf for the best food in town, yet still manage to fast at least 2 days (today and Thursday), I think I would have done a very good job.

Wishing all my dear readers a happy and blessed Ramadhan. Even if you’re not a Muslim, try fasting for a day – hopefully it will make all of us become better people inside and out.

 

Finding a dream job = like finding a spouse?

In career, family, happiness on May 23, 2011 at 6:00 pm

Read an article on NY Times today (shared on FB via my friend Farrah) on how finding a dream job is very much similar to finding the right spouse.

I think this is true as both can be categorized in that elusive, still-far-off-in-the-future kind of way. “How to find the perfect job” is probably the second most-asked question in the world after “How to find your dream man/woman”.

Why the comparison? Well, next to spending a lifetime with our partners/children, we are usually using the other hours at work. And in both cases, when you spend a couple of adults (with different upbringing, background, beliefs and opinions) within four walls for an extended period of time, it could be a recipe for love.. or hate.

In the case of a career, we are often advised to find out what is our true passion and skills. A perfect working environment would be in an area that you are interested in, with people that you like, and with salary/benefits that are attractive. (Bonus if your workplace is only a 15-minute walk away from your home, as in the case of an IKEA manager from Stockholm who I once talked to. Obviously not all of us are that lucky.)

As for marriage, I am nowhere near to finding the secret key to happy-ever-after (If I knew, I would write a book and be a millionaire for it). As my (hopefully and nonethelessly happy) husband would be sure to agree, marriage takes work, and understandably so. However, there are some key questions that you should ask before deciding on the type of person that you would like. Over the years I’ve collected some of my favourite tips (mainly from – where else? – Oprah.com), and my advice to a young person (especially a girl since they seem to have this issue more) is:

  • Pick your top 3, must-have, non-negotiable qualities that you can’t live without in a partner. Because of the low number allowed (“Only three??” some friends have wailed). For instance, the top 3 qualities I really wanted the most was ‘beriman, kind, and good family’ (I figured if he was beriman, he would automatically be responsible, respectful and have a stable job.) and that’s what I got in my husband. Another friend listed ‘secure in himself, religious and financially stable’. Take your pick (or rather, eliminate a lot of highly-unlikely Brad-Pitt-lookalike criterias).
  • If you meet someone who has ALL these qualities, marry him. Or what I mean is, at least seriously look into getting to know him, even though he’s not __________ (fill in the blanks… not my type, not tall enough, dark skin (seriously, girls?? come on) yadda yadda yadda).
  • If you’re worried about ‘compatibility’, think of all those happy couples from arranged marriages (ok, I know they probably got lucky, but still. There were a LOT of them in our grandmother’s times). I have heard people say falling in love after marriage is better than before, and I think I believe them.
  • Pick your ultimate non-negotiable negative qualities that you MUST walk away from. This is extremely important, especially to girls with low self esteem issues. There are many many bad wolves out there and it’s imperative that you protect yourself. The usual list would be: if he’s a wife-beater (or has some early signs of becoming one), is a drug addict, an alcoholic, or a cheater. With these type of men the consensus is clear: WALK AWAY. And don’t look back.

I’ve been talking about this with some close friends and family members over the years (since probably no one else in the whole state of Selangor surfs Oprah.com more than me) so I’m glad to have put this down on paper. Hope it helps somebody out there!

Taking it to the next level

In career, family, happiness on May 16, 2011 at 9:31 pm

Alhamdulillah my husband passed his MBA today. This officially marks the beginning of the end (?) of this stage of our lives in which we have been living and working (him studying) abroad with our son for the last 1 and a half years.

It hasn’t been an easy period. First he had to wade through the MBA application process which was quite difficult, what with the GMAT exam and essays (even his colleagues had to pitch in and write one).

When he got into his target school, MBS, we had to work out the funding. A lack of interest from sponsors didn’t stop his determination. We ended up having to sell our house and car, withdrew our savings (including ‘borrowing’ our son’s education fund) and using hard-earned bonuses to pay for the program.

We then had to make a decision whether Umar and I should join him in Australia. I had just started at UT for a few months, but stuck my neck out asking for a transfer to a subsidiary which luckily was located in Melbourne. Alhamdulillah and due to the rezeki bestowed by God, I got it, so we all moved.

It’s early days, but I think it has all been worth it. He is tremendously knowledgable on anything in finance and business these days (he challenges my understanding of finance all the time!) which will boost his performance at his next job.

Our son has improved his English and social skills significantly since attending childcare here and has made many friends. And Alhamdulillah I have had an excellent opportunity to work here with a team of colleagues that are like a family to me now.

We are now planning for the next stage of our lives together as a family. I think of it as taking what we have been blessed with and growing it to another level. We are both looking for satisfaction and a sense of contribution in our careers, dream of having an addition (or two) to the family, as well as building over our financial foundation.

For me personally, I would like to develop myself further by solidifying my place in the business world with new challenges and finding skills I don’t yet know I have. I’d like to have more children and spend more time with family members. I’d like to contribute to charities financially and physically. I’d like to pay more attention to my image (which has been neglected!) and have more fun with friends.

I’d like to travel more and perform Haj in the next few years together with hubby. Ideally, we can start implementing the practice of annual vacations – one with whole family, one with hubby only, and one with besties (Yani I’m looking at you!)

Insya Allah. I pray God will guide us all and continue to bless us with more rahmat and rezeki.

How negativity and positivity will eventually attract

In career, happiness, Uncategorized on March 25, 2011 at 2:30 pm

The most recent post caused my readership to shoot up 500% overnight. Being the realist that I am, I know that it was just a one-off and externally driven event. And being the scaredy cat that I am, a small voice inside me also says that’s a good thing as too much attention is something I wouldn’t know how to handle.

I do have this annoying voice in my head which likes to downplay and ‘undo’ whatever good or successful thing I think I have done. If it’s good, it was probably attributed to me being lucky or being in the right place and time. If it’s bad, well, that’s just me.

And I know it’s not just me. There is a multitude of published studies clearly demonstrating women as the inferior sex when it comes to matters of work, earning capability, confidence and outspokenness. We’ve all heard the maxim “If a man is outspoken, he’s confident; if it’s a woman, she’s a bitch”.

Just this morning I was sitting in my CEO’s office with another top manager, discussing big-picture company strategy in a conference call. I’d been involved in parts of the modelling work (mainly data gathering and liaison with finance) and 2011 revenue budgeting (things I can do in my sleep, such as calculating historical average multiples) but I still felt inadequate relative to them.

I’ve cut my teeth doing financial analysis and asset management for nearly a decade; I’ve gained the chartered financial analyst status; I’m working in a foreign country and attended global conferences and meetings. People have often commented on and praised my career history. I’m pretty proud of what I’ve accomplished. But yet, there are some times when I wonder how much I really know.

Listen to me! That’s my negative voice taking over – so let me rephrase that. I do know this: Eckhart Tolle has said that being aware is not just listening to that voice inside your head; but being aware of THE VOICE that is listening to that voice inside of your head.  Quote: “When you notice that voice, you realize that who you are is not the voice—the thinker—but the one who is aware of it.”

I know that often my thoughts about myself are often initially negative (it’s like automatic) but, Alhamdulillah, so far in my life, due to my upbringing (my mother is a big positive thinking advocate), discipline and faith, I can manage to overcome that voice. I’ll either throw myself more into what I’m doing – if I can still change the outcome – or being positive about it if I can’t. And hopefully just like in science, negativity and positivity will (eventually) attract.

On… Thinking backwards, and other life strategies

In career, family, happiness, religion on March 16, 2011 at 10:30 am

According to an article I read today, there are apparently ways to maneuver life’s tricky pathways and steer yourself on the road to success. I have no idea whether they work, but because the destination is appealing, I sure as hell am going to try.

Firstly, you are supposed to think backwards – similar to ‘begin with the end in mind’ (Stephen Covey if I remember the 7 habits well enough). It’s supposed to be less daunting because you start with your goals first instead of a long list of steps to get there.

The dream end of the line for me (in this world) is to die peacefully, around the ages of 70-75, sometime after subuh, surrounded by my children, grandchildren and family members, who are crying and reading Yassin. This was exactly how my arwah beloved grandmother passed away. We were up all night, surrounding her, reading and praying with tears streaming down our faces, but after she left, we were happy for her because she looked so peaceful.

So now, what are the steps to get from then to here? Obviously, I must have grandchildren, who will be the children of my children, and (hopefully) they must all have grown up well and love me.

And in order to do that, I must also be a good grandma, mother and wife, in that order. So far alhamdulillah have been blessed with being the later two (and hopefully getting there on more children). So far, progress tick.

Also, I want to happy and peaceful so I want to be able to have achieved something in life. Sometimes I dream of it through work, sometimes through charitable acts and sometimes something out of the box which I don’t dare write here. I hope it will be a combination of all of the above. Progress tick.

I would want to have travelled the world (still ticking), lived and worked overseas (tick), and went to Haj (insya Allah before turning 40; although I have performed umrah when i was pregnant). Climbed Mount Kinabalu. Dived in Sipadan. Seen the pyramids, Alhambra, Santorini, Macchu Picchu, African safari.

I want to be able to be comfortable in my own home and being a so-called domestic goddess (which I feared for so long). Spend time with my mom, siblings and family. Give to charity and perform voluntary work. Work wise, I think I’ve said enough: I want to wake up happy and bouncing off to work.

Now, is it me or the list still seems daunting?

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